Fear / The Most Embarrassing Thing Ever

Wanna hear the lamest, most idiotic story ever?

It was a peaceful afternoon in Suburbia. The sun was a-shining, the leaves where a-swirling through the sky. I was home alone, gazing out the window, when a white van slowly approaches my driveway. The wind is wild, and our swing begins to thrash about like an angry toddler.

The white van enters the driveway. It turns in and parks. A dude with a dark brown, overly large coat with creeper vibes gets out of the ominous vehicle and begins walking up the stairs to our front door. I freak out. White van, creepy dude, a breezy autumn day: I am obviously about to be stabbed to death. I run to the phone and call my mom (which if I actually was about to be decapitated probably wasn't the smartest move). No answer. I call my auntie Dede, who picks up. I quickly tell her that I am probably going to die, and she tells me to call the police.

I can't believe I am actually writing this down. Anyhoo...

I called the police, they came, I am stupid, it was the stump remover guy.... Why, why, why, do I have to live with this. I am sorry world.

Before you call the insane asylum hotline, this story makes a more sense in context. I had lived in the sheltered bubble of Suburbia my entire young life, when all of a sudden, we moved to a duplex in Northeast Minneapolis. (What do you get when you put three spastic toddlers, one narcissistic father, one bitter mother, and an intolerant, hateful pot-smoking couple in the same general living vicinity? Divorce, of course!) In our absolutely delightful duplex my slight paranoia issues began.

Here are a few things that pushed me over the edge:
1. A certified sex offender walked down our street every single day with his German Shepard at the exact time we had to leave for school.
2. A shooting occurred in front of our house.
3. There was a park across the street, and on my way there a grey-bearded creep jumped out at me behind a tree.

This was too much for my sheltered brain and I went into over-cautious mode. I was scared to leave the windows open at night. I thought that the sound of the old pipes creaking and screaming were murderers. Everything was a threat. I remained in that mode even once we moved back out of the Cites.

I guess it was good that the police incident happened, it made me realize how completely extreme and ridiculous my fear had become. I was able to come to the conclusion that if the end of the world comes there are two ways I can live until it actually happens. I can sit in the corner waiting for something to attack me, surrounded by protective pillows and holding my brothers Nerf gun menacingly. Or I can relax, and embrace the moment with bravery. So I chose the second one. In the split second it took me to shove this embarrassing story into the depths of my soul, I decided to grow some. I left my window open without having an aneurism, and I lived happily ever after.